I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
