This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
