Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
