I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
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As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
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It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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