My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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