You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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