Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
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I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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