I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
