Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Less talking, more tequila
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
