next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
