It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she pinky promised me she was 18
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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