Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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