He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
