last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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