Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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