I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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