She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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