Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
