He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
