I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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