Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
