How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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