Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
