Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
