I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
