im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
