I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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