forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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