piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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