Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
