I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
