Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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