HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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