It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize