Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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