I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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