I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
