He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
