All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
