So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
