I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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