like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
