It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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