I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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