No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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