Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
