You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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