So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
