8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
