I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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