Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
