I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
