i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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