College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
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Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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