there's paper in my vomit.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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