it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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