i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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