So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I need to calm my uterus...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
