Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
