Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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