Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
